Monday, November 16, 2009

My everyday Life Story !

I came down with a blinding headache that knocked the wind out of me. The doctor diagnosed a sinus infection after one glance up my nose with those little reverse tweezer spreaders. He gave me the prescription, the thing you go there for, and off I went to take my drugs like a good girl.
But in this case, the drugs didn't make me feel better and in fact I began feeling a lot worse. Reluctantly, My Docs decided He couldn't avoid sending me to a specialist and he couldn't hide his concern when he used the little tweezer spreaders. He declared my sinuses abscessed and proceeded to drain them immediately. Not only was the procedure very unpleasant but seeing what had been hiding in my sinuses was downright disgusting. It seems that the original doctor made a correct diagnosis but hadn't brushed up on which drugs actually kill sinus bacteria. In fact, the wrong antibiotic had allowed the bacteria to flourish. ...

Follow-up x-rays showed that most likely permanent damage had occurred and a complete recovery was not in my future. What was in my future was a full blown sinus infection every 30 days. That's a lot of sinus infections. Over the years, it was determined that I had no physical abnormalities that could be surgically corrected and different drug therapies were unsuccessful. Finally My specialist said to take my drugs four times a year and everything would be fine. No big deal.

In the quiet of the very early morning, I was sitting in the dark in my living room, clearing out the e-mail that comes through during Im Off..... Deciding it was time to get rid of some of the regular junk, I scrolled down to the bottom of the first one and clicked on the unsubscribe link. I watched the "requesting" blue line at the bottom of the screen move so damned slow and fought the urge to use the back space button which would cancel the whole procedure because it seemed impossible to wait another second. I remembered how painfully slow it was, although when I first got it, just having internet capabilities on my phone seemed nothing short of miraculous. Then I couldn't wait to get the higher speed version, but now, in the peace of my Computer I order Clear high Speed the Best As I ever Had Remind me Drake Song hahahaah You Da Best I ever had , stressful, I simply couldn't bear to be patient With Slow Ass Internet Yo ! while the blue line made it all the way across the screen :-)

Fast forward Recent  weather  change like its added my health issues . My tender sinuses were acting up causing the whole side of my face to hurt. a dear Docs I worked with , insisted that I try her neti pot. It looked like a tea pot in which she put warm water and a little scoop of salt. She taught me how to lean over the sink, turn my head, and pour the warm water through one nostril as it came out the other. When I lifted my head and blew my nose, it cleared my sinuses and alleviated the pain. She promised if I used it every day, my sinus problems would be a thing of the past. I smiled and said to myself that she just didn't understand the longevity and severity of my sinus issues and no pot was going to cure me. But it felt so good that I bought my own when I got home and began using it religiously. The next sinus infection cycle came as always. But the one after that never came. I skipped a sinus infection for the first time in over 20 years thanks to that little pot.

I'm the first one to tell you that once you are sick, it's probably best to take your medicine. . And once one of those regular sinus infections came on, wild horses couldn't keep me from that bottle of antibiotics. It's what we do when we are well, how we may avoid being sick in the first place, that should be on our minds. ...

Our self-image, who we perceive ourselves to be, is not usually a work in progress. We are good at believing that we are who we are and we do things a certain way because of it. Im A highly motivated person, it is hard for me to see constructive rest as anything but slacking. That is foolish, of course, and I know better, but it is ingrained. Sometimes we use our self-image as an excuse not to change, feeling we should be accepted and loved for who we already are.

Can we force ourselves to examine the big picture ? and truly decide not just who we are, but who we want to be? Are we brave enough to admit the effect of certain behaviors on our health and then make the change necessary to improve the quality of our lives? And why is it so hard? I do know one thing. Despite being overjoyed to see that full bottle of antibiotics still in my cabinet, the one that was waiting for the next sinus infection that never came, there is a part of me that feels a little lost. Those quarterly events, no matter how dreaded, had become part of my story, ingrained into my self-image. Now I am not the woman who gets the infections every 30 days. I am the woman who stopped the infections after 20 years . I'll take the latter. Now that wasn't so bad, was it?....

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